Wild Pig Reminds Us Jesus Was Jewish

People seem to conveniently forget that Jesus was Jewish.  He almost certainly kept Kosher, or whatever the dietary rules were at the time.  And, in the small Polish city of Ruda Slaska, a wild Board decided to voice his dis-pleasure to the bacon eating folks in the town church.

"Fortunately, they managed to quickly scare the boar away, and no one got injured," a police official said, adding that the animal smashed two vases and broke an effigy of Jesus Christ during its rampage.

Now, I applaud the “unholy beast” for his attempt at civil disobedience, but the fact remains that bacon is meat candy, and if God wanted us to be vegetarians, he wouldn’t have made animals out of meat.

Total Eclipse 2017

With all the total bullshit we post and expose on this site, here’s a post about hard physical science.

I took my kids to Oregon to witness the total solar eclipse and it was spectacular. It is not really even describable and no picture truly does it justice. But, here’s picture I took anyway.

R.I.P. Robin Williams

As I sit here unable to sleep, again, I have finally realized that the death of Robin Williams has affected me more than I could have possibly imagined. And, it’s not because of the cause of his death. It’s because I never knew the man, but this event has cemented my definition of immortality.

Lauren Bacall passed away the next day, completing the latest “they come in threes”. And, why is it they come in threes? I can only imagine a couple versions Robin may have come up with:

  • [singing] Because one is the loneliest number…
  • It sure beats being #2 (yes, that’s a poop joke)
  • Because the celestial taxi system that ferries souls to heaven is having a fuel shortage, so they have to carpool. And, the first two get impatient real quick. “C’mon, fucking DIE already. St. Peter is waiting…I’m gonna miss my galactic neru massage! Hurry it up already!”

OK…that last one maybe a little more George Carlin. But, that’s where Robin took things and that’s why we laughed our asses off.

As a kid, I used to memorize Robins routines and perform them for my family. I am a decent mimic, and I would study his mannerisms and delivery. And, even as second hand, recycled comedy, his routines would bring the house down. I think I caused a few asthma attacks even.

I guess this is where I actually started to learn that knowing your audience is key, and that when appropriate, don’t hold back…speak what needs to be spoken…which is most of the time.

And, now I see all these celebrities being interviewed and they have nothing but glowing remembrances of Robin. Jeff Bridges, who starred with Robin in The Fisher King actually took several minutes at the big press panel for his new movie to remember his time with Robin. Watching him turn around and look at Meryl Streep and fondly recall Robin dragging his ass on the ground in Central Park at 4am saying “You know why dogs do this? Because they can!” was incredible. And, over his other shoulder was Taylor Swift with a look like “I am never ever ever ever doing a press panel with this guy again.” (if you get that joke then good for you.)

Someone in New York should organize this as an annual event. The annual “Robin Williams Because They Can Central Park Naked Ass Drag.” How awesome would that be to see 100,000 people all dragging their asses like dogs in the grass.

It reminded me of my Grandfather’s funeral…not the naked ass dragging (seriously…you thought those two were connected…what’s wrong with you?)…the people all coming out with amazing remembrances. I was a teenager, and to me a funeral was a family thing. And, then all these people showed up. And, I thought, uh…my family isn’t that big…or someone’s been lying to me. But, there they were. People I had never seen before in my life that all knew and or were touched by my grandfather in some way (not like that…get your head out of the gutter).

And, now Robin. People he didn’t even know, like me, are talking about how he touched them. Assuming that you aren’t a complete douche bag, you attempt to make your mark on this world while hopefully leaving it a slightly better place. If you are a total douche, please just leave…now…go…I’ll wait.

Robin made the world a better place. Dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, he walked into a sex shop and tried to buy a double headed dildo…just because. He made us look at the world around us with a slightly different perspective…warped…or not. He made us laugh.

THAT is immortality.

“Cheesus” Strikes again

Lending more and more credit to my theory of cheese being divine, a Texas couple has discovered a Cheeto that they claim resembles a praying Jesus. You may remember some time ago there was another “Cheesus” report, with the same snack food. I think it’s only fair that we now refer to cheese in a “royal” fashion, and always present it’s glorious reference with a capital “C”.

Cheese, Cheese, glorious Cheese.

I’m tellin’ ya…it’s all about the cheese

Dateline Spartanbug.

Linda Lowe was hungry for something cheesy and her boyfriend Dupree obliged by whipping up a “cheese on toast snack” (aka…open faced grilled cheese). “It came out just exactly like that. I didn’t do anything special,” Gilbert said. “The Lord works in mysterious ways, but I don’t think there’s any magic to it. But it is a reminder that the Lord is with you every day of your life.”

Open face jesus grilled cheese

Now, I really have to wonder about this cheese thing. Traditional grilled cheese, open faced, cheese flavored chips…there’s a pattern here. Is Jesus trying to tell us that the Lactose intolerant folks are damned? Hmm…

“And finally, tonight…”

First, I was under no illusion that this blog was an original concept (cataloging sightings into one easy to find location), but, someone has put together a nice video montage of the concept…I’m glad someone has copious amounts of free time.

Thoughts on the US Election

First…hell yeah baby!! In the words of my 3 year old son, “Obama Rocks”.

It really is amazing what happens when enough people get motivated and pissed off. The only thing that is really annoying me about this election is why did it take so damn long? Everyone knew that Shrub Jr. was a dip-shit 4 years ago when Gore “won”. How is it that we could collectively let that man stay in power for 8 years?

He put the economy in the crapper, put the country to war without really using the proper constitutional channels, created a new government office that can infringe on the civil liberties of the citizens…WTF?!

Well, now Obama is in office, and he’s not wasting any time sending messages that things are going to change. For the first time in a while, I’m excited about the future of our country if for no other reason than other countries are now openly expressing interest in renewing relationships that Bush tarnished.

What does this have to do with deities and food items? Nothing…but this is my web site, so if you don’t like it, go make your own site.

Supreme Griller.

“I’m Walking on Jesus…Ohh Yeahh!”

A Las Vegas woman claims shes had Jesus under her feet for the last 3 years. She first noticed the image after her retina detached and her recovery process involved keeping her head down for three weeks. Apparently all that time looking at the floor caused her finally discover the image in every single one of the tiles in her kitchen floor.

Her Brother must be a bigger Jesus freak than she is, because he blamed her detached retina on the fact she’d been treading on The Big Cheese for years.

I just can’t get the melody from that song “Walkin On Sunshine” out of my head.