Staring at the sun is bad…even if it is only to catch a glimpse of Mary

What do you get when you cross insanity with reported sightings of the Virgin Mary? A bunch of blind people!

In case you don’t want to read the whole story…the short version is a bunch of people in India went blind from staring at the sun because someone said they saw the Virgin Mary. What makes this even more delicious is that it’s not a one time event. People are continuing to visit the location and make themselves blind.

Asparagus Fern…better than the Burning Bush

Jesus root systemDivine vegetation as Jesus appears in plant
By Samantha Payne

A GARDENER had a revelation when he dug up his asparagus plant and saw the face of Jesus.

Martin Gregory was enjoying his Sunday morning gardening when he noticed something quite different about one of his asparagus ferns he removed from a pot.

As the 52-year-old laid the 30-inch plant on the grass the sun shone down on the roots and revealed the face of Jesus to him.

The part-time mosaic tutor said: “I thought, ‘Good gracious! It’s the face of Jesus.’

“It’s the most weird thing I have ever seen.

“The roots are fantastic. You can actually make out a thorn crown around his head, his eyes and nose.
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“I’ve heard about Mother Theresa’s face being seen in a bagel but I thought this was much better.”

Belvedere resident Mr Gregory removed the plant from his pot, which had been in the garden for ten years, because he thought it was dying.
An artist’s impression of Jesus
An artist’s impression of Jesus

He believed the Christ-like image was caused by the roots being pressed against the stones in the plant pot causing the unusual indentations.

He added: “It looked so much like His face it took my breath away.

“It has not made me religious. But it could be something supernatural linked to the abbey ruins opposite.

“We don’t know what’s in the ground.”

Father David Sherratt, of St Michael and All Angels Church, Abbey Wood Road, Abbey Wood, said: “I have often heard of people seeing things. God may want Mr Gregory to interpret what he saw in the plant as a sign.”

Arrest Bush and Cheney? Make it so.

What does this have to do with Jesus? Absolutely nothing! But, this has to be a shining moment for Rational Thought in an otherwise irrational world. If you want an anorexically thin connection…Bush admitted that he ran for president because God told him to.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – Voters in two Vermont towns on Tuesday approved a measure that would instruct police to arrest President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney for “crimes against our Constitution,” local media reported.

The nonbinding, symbolic measure, passed in Brattleboro and Marlboro in a state known for taking liberal positions on national issues, instructs town police to “extradite them to other authorities that may reasonably contend to prosecute them.”

Vermont, home to maple syrup and picture-postcard views, is known for its liberal politics.

State lawmakers have passed nonbinding resolutions to end the war in Iraq and impeach Bush and Cheney, and several towns have also passed resolutions of impeachment. None of them have caught on in Washington.

Bush has never visited the state as president, though he has spent vacations at his family compound in nearby Maine.

Roughly 12,000 people live in Brattleboro, located on the Connecticut River in the state’s southeastern corner. Nearby Marlboro has a population of roughly 1,000.

(Writing by Andy Sullivan, editing by David Wiessler)

Visions…they’re not just for the holy folks any more

Atheist Sees Image of Big Bang in Piece of Toast
For Immediate Release: Miracle Toast?

(ACPA-london) Excitement is growing in the Northern England town of Huddlesfield following the news that a local man saw an image of the big-bang in a piece of toast. atheist donald chapman, 36, told local newspaper, “the huddlesfield express” that he was sitting down to eat breakfast when an unusual toast pattern caught his eye.

“I was just about to spread the butter when I noticed a fairly typical small hole in the bread surrounded by a burnt black ring. however the direction and splatter patterns of the crumbs as well as the changing shades emanating outwards from this black hole were very clearly similar to the chaotic-dynamic non-linear patterns that one would expect following the big bang”. “It’s the beginning of the world” he added excitedly. images of the actual big bang toast are copywrighted by don chapman so we can only show this image which is a us govt public domain picture

Ever since news of the discovery made national headlines, local hoteliers have been overwhelmed by an influx of atheists from all over the country who have flocked to Huddlesfield to catch a glimpse of the scientific relic. “I have always been an Atheist and to see my life choices validated on a piece of toast is truly astounding” said one guest at the Huddlesfield arms hotel.

To the surprise of many, the UK national atheist association has asked its members not to pay attention to the story despite its potential to inspire less faith. “Given what the religious believe already, this is an easy sell” said one disgruntled activist who said he was going to huddlesfield anyway noting that “Seeing is not believing”.

Jesus is hiding…in the middle of a tree log

Jesus Image Found in Tree Log

A furniture maker says he’s found a holy item and he’s been taking care of it religiously. Craig O’Connor has a block of wood that he chopped from a pine tree. On it, is an image of a Jesus-like figure with its arms outstretched. The tree rings form a kind of halo around the figure’s head.

I was just covered in goose bumps,” said O’Connor as he reminisced about his find. He had been helping out a friend, chopping trees in Burlington County nearly a year ago when he came upon the image. O’Connor said it looked like “Jesus ascending to heaven. Take me, thats what it looks like to me. It’s a natural stain, a natural sap stain.”

By counting the tree rings, O’Connor believes the tree was at least 40-50 years old. As a furniture maker of 25 years, O’Connor has worked with wood and seen plenty of different stains and marks. He says this one is radically different from all the others. O’Connor is a Catholic and believes it’s a sign from God. When asked what the message is, he replied that it’s like Jesus saying, “Believe in me. I’m still here. Have faith in me.” O’Connor says finding the image has helped his faith. He goes to church about 3-4 times a month and says he’s become a better person, less quick to become angry.

Now O’Connor is considering incorporating it into a piece of furniture he will make. He’s not sure what it will be, but imagines that it will be the centerpiece.

“Jesus don’t just pop up like that…”

Florida…home of the hanging chad, rampant voter fraud, insane humidity, and now Jesus has settled in sleepy Arlington, FL to watch over retirees walking their dogs. Of all the sightings, this one makes the most sense. Jesus was Jewish…and we all know that old Jewish folks retire to Florida. Ah, but wait…this is Arlington…not Boca or Miami Beach. So, what exactly is Jesus doing there? Well, apparently he followed some family from Texas (stowing away in a Uhaul I assume) and parked himself on a tree in the yard of their new house.

Is this Jesus or just tree rot?

I dunno…looks more like Gregori Rasputin to me.

Fla. Residents See Jesus Image In Tree – Orlando News Story – WKMG Orlando

UPDATE…I found some video of this one….still looks like Rasputin to me.

The Pope…The Pope..The Pope is on fire!

We don’t need no water let the…well…if you know the song, you know where that was going. I stumbled upon this gem today and couldn’t pass it up.

Pope image seen in fire

Now, the symbolism here of the Pope seen in a fireball is just ripe for all sorts of interpretations. The faithful I’m sure see this as a symbol of strength, while I’m sure others see this as a sign the Pope is the Devil. What do you think? Personally, I think the Pope was just getting psyched up for a Kiss reunion tour.

Dogs roll with Jesus…avoid pound

A Yucaipa, CA couple were about to give their mangy mutts the heave-ho when Jesus stepped in to save the day.

Jesus on a dog door

“I’m probably not going to become a born-again evangelist, but I cannot deny that I think there was a spirit of redemption at work,” said Roger Bowman, 41. “I don’t know, maybe the dogs will save somebody in our swimming pool one day.”

I’m glad that Jesus is a dog lover.